Saturday, August 15, 2009

Just jump, darling

Hello again.

It rained again today and as I drove home, with the clear drops of water smacking against my slightly dinged windshield, I couldn't help but think. That's what rain does to me. It sinks me into a realm I rarely dare to tread in. Actually, that's an understatement. I like to think, but just don't take the time.

This summer has been quite a journey for me. A journey to learn to risk... not be afraid of taking a chance now and again. That's living after all. I can't expect everything to go the way I initially thought... that's just silly. But it's hard, oh so hard to let go of my personal thoughts and ideas.

Risk is taking hold of an offered hand to let them help you. Risk is singing when you feel like it or dancing even when the tune can only be heard by you. (grin, yes I've done this... too fun) Trust is a risk. Trusting that someone will be in the foxhole with you no matter what is something you can't guarantee will be unconditional beforehand. That's why it's trust. Trust or love. You could interchange those two sometimes. Both are hard, though one is more of a mystery than the other. Which is beautiful in a way I suppose. I bet most don't want to really think about it because if they did they'd have to accept that you can't wholly grasp what it is or how it works... it's a risk. Shutting your eyes and jumping.

Wednesday, Kevin was talking about how Peter got out of the boat and walked to Jesus... he abandoned his ship to walk on the water. Who does that? No one really. In fact, Peter briefly thought about how impossible it was and started sinking until he left that logical human side of thinking and just called out for help. I wonder what Jesus was thinking as he watched Peter start walking toward him, disregarding the wind and waves, then sink only to look into His face for help. I don't know, but I could guess by the time that Peter was embracing Him He must have been grinning- on the other side of the risk. That's the relief part. And something more. Confidence too I suppose. It makes you stronger when you get on the other side of it.

I think it's good, this risk stuff. It strips you down. It makes you who you become. That and a bunch of other stuff, but it's one of those things you can't replace in this living process of growing and learning. I'm so glad that God designed us to need Him. It's not humiliating to need Him or anyone really. It's just real honest life to the fullest I think. It's hard to admit though. It's part of risk too though~ admitting what you know in the deepest part of your heart. Pride is such a deceitful thing. I hate it sometimes. The kind of pride that's like a monkey on your back twisting your ear to make you turn right or left at whim instead of letting that still small voice inside guide you.

And so. Let those lemon drops melt away. Pop 'em in your mouth and enjoy that tart sweet sensation sliding down your throat.

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