Geese in the sky.

This morning I woke up, very groggily rolled out of bed, after trying to make my brain and eyes compute the passages of scripture I was reading, then headed down stairs. On the way I smelled the most excellent scent in the air. Coffee. Ah... just what I needed too. I went straight for the coffee, grabbed an English muffin, put a little honey on it, and sat down in the living room with Mum and Da for a cozy little chat. That was nice. It always is.
Later, as I was getting ready for the day, I heard the hopeful sound of Canadian geese honking away as they begin to fly back to their spring and summer resting grounds. Spring must be near! I went to the window and nearly crushed the blind as I tried to peer out to see the birds that were making so much racket. The cloud cover was so thick that I couldn't see even a hint of stirring air as they beat their wings through the density. It sounded like a multitude, but not even a glimpse could I see.
I think those birds are a lot like my destiny in Christ. Presently, I can hear the beauty, hear the plan, hear the vastness, hear the way it seems to be going... but I can't see it. I know that I'm right where God wants me, but inside I have this deep unrelenting jargon that I keep sensing is something bigger is going on. Maybe what is happening is the plan, and I can't quite see all the detail of this intricate pattern, because I'm on the messy side. Turn it over and you get a Persian rug that you can't see till you're in Heaven? Perhaps.
In the mean time, I'll sit here, take an occasional bite of my Mom's fresh, hot, dribbled with sweetened whipped cream, rhubarb crisp and blog. Mmmmm.... it's so tart and yet so sweet and tangy and melting and, and.... mmmmmmhhhmmmmm. I must go finish it, before it gets cold.

My Brother, John

Just kidding! not my brother John but more along the lines of the book of John. No, not my brother John's diary, but more like the disciple that Jesus loved, that John. Plus, my brother John does not have a diary... that I know of, and I pretty much know everything there is to know about John, my brother, so I would know if he had a diary. That's my material point.

My other material point (actually question) is as follows, sorta.

I just finished reading the book of John today and something has been both pleasing me and bugging me about this particular disciple. The pleasing part is that John believed Jesus and trusted him without any doubts, questions, or such. I think that is something that I struggle with, this trust thing, even though my brain says to me "yes, you do trust... trust Jesus, missy, yes, trust... I do... you do! I believe in Jesus because he forgives me... oh wait... um... yes, you do! but... oh that's right I trust, etc..." It's an ongoing thing for me to lay down my desire to be in personal control of my fate, my this or my that... so anyways, I think that's why I really really really really really admire John. He just lets go and does it. There's someone to learn from for ya.

The bugging part is that John always refers to himself as the "disciple whom Jesus loves." Is he bragging? Is he just stating a fact? Or is he relishing the fact that Jesus loved him? It seems that by stating this about himself, in his own book, none the less, he's pointing it out to the world... If I was the one of the other disciples I would be slightly... um miffed. The brainy part of me says that Jesus totally loved all his disciples equally and he just got along with John and "loved" him best because he trusted Him most. But it still bugs me that John talks about himself as the "disciple whom Jesus loved" in every portion of the book of John. Maybe he didn't want to talk about himself in the third person... which isn't he doing that anyways? I don't know, it just bugs me, and I'm trying to get over it. I'm really trying to, really. It just bugs me that's all. What do you think?