Sunday, May 1, 2011

thinks- thoughts that are continuous.

The sun is shining today. Finally. It was coooold this morning though. My toes felt it especially because I had to wear flip-flops because I went on a walk yesterday and foolishly wore old tennis shoes that gave me HUGE water blisters on the back of my heals. Ok so that was a great moment of too much information that I'm sure you'd rather not know, but too late. You know now, and were given the opportunity to be annoyed by a very long run-on that kept going and going and going. ah. nice. The sun is shining now so it's all behind you... or us, hopefully.
This morning's message at Fresh Life Church, brought by Josh Bowers, was excellent. I don't want to gush, or swoon, or anything like that, even though the plain communication of it was well worth a listen.. and maybe a second listen. It was just good and meaty stuff. The kind of stuff that you really have to take home with you... think about it, mull it over, look around while you're thinking, remember it, remember again a week later, and pray about it. oh, and then, look back at your notes and laugh a couple quotes from the message. Josh has a great sense of humor, I'm not gonna lie.
Ok, so what thoughts cause me to think thinks? Great question. I'm in the middle of sorting all that out. I bet I'm going to get hopped up on caffeine while I thinks through this stuff too... grrr... wish I wasn't so NOT immune to it... though I don't want to go through the process of becoming immune. Don't worry, it's not against my religion. I just don't want to have to be strapped to something so tangible as caffeine for my source of energy.
Oh yeah, source of energy. That brings up stuff I'm thinking about. I'm thinking about making money, and loving what I do, and showing people Jesus, serving Him, my passions, gee... it's all so interconnected. The problem: making money is necessary to live, but I don't like it. So, how can I intertwine my passions with making a living? So, here's a couple options. The first is sell my photography big-time, and spend spare time helping people see Jesus in the form of serving at Church. Another option is drop everything money-making and just serve and live by faith and do the photography I love so much. The problem with option number two is that I think that God wants me to balance this whole making-money thing AND living by faith AND serving Him. Perhaps that sounds all weirdish and spaghetti style. Perhaps you're right. I'm a woman. Women tend to mesh everything in life together, so that one thing automatically relates to another. For instance, if I get mad at my brother about something, and in the moment don't make a big deal about it, but then I'm cranky about it, that situation will make me upset about other things throughout the day that wouldn't normally be a big deal at all. PSH. "sometimes it's hard to be a woman..." lol the rest of that song goes against what I think, but nevertheless, I think that line when I come across situations such as the previous, purely, well, partly, fictional story. k, so I need to get back on track here. Major rabbit trails. Ok, but that brings up something else- sometimes rabbit trails are a good thing. It's changing the focus of the moment while brain is still mulling stuff over... it's very pleasant to be distracted from thoughts really.  It's like blowing off steam, in a very passive-aggressive way. :)
So. Now back on track again. Side note: Typing is so fun! I haven't been typing much lately because I haven't been in school. This fall I will be though. Mixed feelings about that, but such is life. Per usual. (I'm so glad those little dotted red linEd things don't pop up when I write an incomplete or incorrect sentence. Ah... so nice. :) If my favorite professor, Jim Soular, saw this blog, he'd probably go nuts critiquing as he read... though, perhaps, he just might forgive me because he knows me so well.
Ok, since, evidently, I refuse to complete the thoughts I'm beginning to express in this blog, I'm going to just let it roll off and move on.
Before I let it move on, I have one more thing to say. Serving Jesus is so addicting. Why would it do that you say. Why would some brain-washed, church-going, Jesus-loving, chick continue to do those things... when it's so un-cool? and a sure sign of social conditioning, and a sign of weakness (needing a crutch like Jesus), and showing a lack of my own critical thinking skills, and and and and and and and.... I get it, you think I'm crazy. Well, that's ok. Sometimes, I am. Bottom line, I don't care what you think. Anyways, keep moving, Danielle, k, 10-4, rubber ducky. #1 reason I stay as close to Jesus as I can: I've never ever ever felt so loved by any one person I've ever known. I'm serious. You know that moment, when you know that a person loves you? That moment when your gut just tells you this is a really good thing with this person? and you ask yourself how you could do without them? Well, with Jesus, it's that gut feeling times.... a million or something. Ok, so you're probably going to say, "yeah, emotional crutch being fed by crazy cult church. Period." Well, right there you'd be wrong. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord of my sinful little life when I was seven years old. I've only been going to my church for three years. He's been here the whole time. I know because I see Him in other peoples lives, I see Him in history, in my Dad, in my Mom. I see Him in answers to my prayers I've never told any human about. I see Him in retrospect. Situations in my life that I thought were completely unresolvable have rhyme and reason to them now. That is why Jesus is addicting. The more I know Him, the more I want to know Him. It's this hunger that can only be filled by His presence in my life, my heart, my love, my mind, my knowledge, my everything. It's as if I'm craving dark dark dark chocolate all the time, and have a never-ending supply at my finger tips. Though, let me say, that it's not always like this. Sometimes, I get distracted by milk chocolate... it's a filler, it'll do for now, it's the only "fix" I have right now... etc. etc. etc. But with Jesus, He's always there, and I just choose to look away for other stuff to fill my heart with. Don't get me wrong, I would love to be married someday, so that would be a little distracting as far as looking to Jesus goes, but not if there's a man I that will pursue Jesus with me. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that no person can be as strong for me, as loving, as Jesus. It's worth it. Please trust me. I'm 26 years old, have gone through doubts and discouragement and depression, but I can tell you this, with more certainty then I know how to explain, I don't, and won't, regret one single moment of my life I've spent trusting Jesus and letting Him hold me. I may fail Him, I may doubt, I may even walk away for a period of time. I hope and pray that I won't, but if I do all those things, I still will not regret the time spent here and now: loving Him back.

That's my thinks for now.